Michigan’s Upper Peninsula wrapped and given to Wisconsin

Lansing, MI – Was it a thoughtful holiday gesture, or a strategic economic move? That is what Wisconsin residents are asking themselves this morning after waking up to an unexpected Christmas gift.

Thousands of residents crossing the state line from Wisconsin into the Upper Peninsula were seen getting out of their cars and unwrapping the state.

“I knew what it was right way,” said Goodman, Wisconsin resident Mary Grove. “It was shaped just like a peninsula, they didn’t try to hide it in a box or nothing.”

An estimated 17,000 miles of wax wrapping paper with images of Santa Claus riding on various objects including candy canes and gingerbread houses blanketed the Peninsula.

“This is going to take forty years to unwrap!” said one surprised resident.

Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm confirmed the gift in a written statement. The statement read in part:

“It was very hard to part with a peninsula that has been with us since 1837. As you know, the great state of Michigan has been in a near depression for the past decade and this was a decision we did not take lightly. I want the wonderful residents of the Upper Peninsula to know that this was an economic decision that had to be made. I know that they will find Wisconsin a wonderful and caring state.”

The statement went on to explain that this “gift” had been considered for months in closed door sessions of government officials. “We felt that Christmas time presented an excellent opportunity to bestow a generous gift upon our neighboring state.”

Residents of the Lower Peninsula seemed to support the decision. “Up there ain’t nothin but a bunch of waterfalls and indian casinos,” said Lansing resident Thomas Degrow. “Besides they hate us calling us trolls cuz we live under the bridge.”

Residents of the Upper Peninsula could not be reached for comment due to power outages and a veil of darkness.

The Upper Peninsula, also known as the U.P. Has long since been considered a tax burden to the rest of the state of Michigan due to its vast area, over 16,000 square miles and lack of a tax base. Despite having over a quarter of the entire state’s land, it has only three percent of the population with the leading export being maple syrup.

Wisconsin residents are leery of the gift, especially Congressmen Tom Dale. “I think Michigan just saw some crap laying around that they didn’t need and decided to tie a bow on it and give it to us. I don’t like it at all. And where did they get all the wrapping paper? That must have cost at least forty million dollars.”

Wisconsin Governor-elect Scott Walker will not comment publicly on the issue but sources close to the situation say that all options are on the table including “regifting” the Peninsula to another state likely Minnesota or a smaller state like Rhode Island. There are also rumors of putting it up for sale on Craigslist.

As far as the Mackinaw Bridge which divides the upper and lower peninsulas of Michigan, it has been put up for auction on Ebay with a starting bid of ninety-nine cents.


About comedydan

Dan DeCapua is a stand-up comedian and writer from Detroit, Michigan. He is a graduate of Michigan State University and is currently living in southeast Michigan with his wife and son. He is the nephew of legendary Detroit rocker Mitch Ryder and has been performing for over ten years. Dan DeCapua has brought his unique brand of humor all across the country from colleges to cruise ships to comedy clubs. He was the second place finisher among hundreds of comedians in the Carnival Cruise Lines comedy competition. He has opened for some of the best acts in the country including Dane cook, Mitch Hedberg, Doug Benson and Dave Attell. Dan’s humor is clean and clever appealing to a mass audience. Marriage, raising a young child and video games are amongst the numerous topics he explores in his act that is sure to leave you wanting more. He is a rising young comedian and writer on the comedy circuit and is currently performing in the Midwest.If you wish to book Dan for an event send an e-mail via the contact page. View all posts by comedydan

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