Five Simple Ways to Keep the Pounds off this Holiday Season

With the holidays fast approaching, we all know how hard it to keep from packing on the extra pounds this time of year. But with a few simple lifestyle changes you can keep fit, happy and healthy all throughout the year. So if you don’t want to wake up Christmas morning looking like Santa Claus, than check out our five very simple ways to keep the extra pounds off this holiday season.

1. Skip the dessert, drink water instead. It’s that simple and easy. While everyone is enjoying their apple pie, gingerbread and Christmas cookies you can sip on a refreshing glass of water. Try slipping a lemon or lime wedge into the water and everyone will be jealous of your unique dessert.

2. Run a holiday marathon. It’s important to exercise year round but we tend to lose track with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. All you have to do is train extensively for six months, wake up early on Christmas morning (maybe you will see a reindeer or two) and run 26.2 miles. If running is not your thing, try cycling 90 miles.

3. Buy an at home liposuction kit. There’s no better way to get rid of holiday fat than to suck it out of your body in the comfort of your own home. While not yet approved for use in the United States these at home kits can easily be obtained on the black market or through medical device manufacturers based in the Ukraine.

4. Build a robotic clone of yourself to attend holiday gatherings while you hold up in a secret lair.
Being around friends and family can be quite joyous for many people but very stressful for others. Being in stressful situations can lead many people to overeat as a coping mechanism. Building an exact, robotic replica of you to attend holiday functions could be simple and lots and lots of fun. You can enjoy the holidays holed up in an abandoned mineshaft while your robotic counterpart absorbs all the stress and calories that family functions may bring.

5. Back over yourself with your car. If there’s one place to hide from all those tempting calories it’s the intensive care unit of your local hospital. Imagine all the pounds you will shed while fighting for your life, not to mention all of the wonderful exercises you will learn while trying to regain basic motor function during rehabilitation. We recommend using a mid size sedan or station wagon to assure catastrophic damage while avoiding certain death.


About comedydan

Dan DeCapua is a stand-up comedian and writer from Detroit, Michigan. He is a graduate of Michigan State University and is currently living in southeast Michigan with his wife and son. He is the nephew of legendary Detroit rocker Mitch Ryder and has been performing for over ten years. Dan DeCapua has brought his unique brand of humor all across the country from colleges to cruise ships to comedy clubs. He was the second place finisher among hundreds of comedians in the Carnival Cruise Lines comedy competition. He has opened for some of the best acts in the country including Dane cook, Mitch Hedberg, Doug Benson and Dave Attell. Dan’s humor is clean and clever appealing to a mass audience. Marriage, raising a young child and video games are amongst the numerous topics he explores in his act that is sure to leave you wanting more. He is a rising young comedian and writer on the comedy circuit and is currently performing in the Midwest.If you wish to book Dan for an event send an e-mail via the contact page. View all posts by comedydan

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