Salvation Army to Reconsider Prison Yard Kettle Placements After Attack

Leavenworth, KS – A volunteer bell ringer for the Salvation Army was severely beaten with his own bell yesterday while monitoring a Salvation Army kettle in the prison yard of the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary.
Davis Sanders, a 48 year-old resident of Leavenworth, is recovering from his wounds at nearby Saint John Hospital. He has been a volunteer with the Salvation Army for four years.
“I just can’t believe this happened, especially this time of year.” said Sanders with disbelief. “I had only been in the yard for five minutes when I was attacked from behind and the rest was just a blur.”
Matthew Walker, a regional coordinator for the charity, shared in Sanders disbelief; “I am still in shock. To think that such a terrible thing could happen so close to home really makes you wonder. If we’re not safe in a prison yard, where are we safe?”
This is the first year that the Salvation Army has attempted to collect donations at the prison explained Walker. “Due to the economic climate we were looking for new and innovative ways to raise money for the poor and those that need it most.”
A prison guard who wished to remain anonymous had this to say about the incident. “This is the stupidest (expletive) thing I have ever seen. These guys are murderers and gangbangers. You’re going to have someone guarding a pot full of cash ringing a (expletive) bell. He’s lucky they didn’t shove the bell up his (expletive) til’ he choked.”
Prison officials are investigating the incident but so far witnesses have not been cooperative.
An inmate at the prison that goes by the name Dirt Devil had this to say about the incident, “One second I hear dingaling, the next I hear screamy scream. If you ask me I think he did it to himself.”
Sanders, who suffered a bruised chin and mild concussion, is expected to make a full recovery.
While no cash was taken from the kettle it is believed that three cigarettes and at least one shank were stolen in the incident.
Anyone with information regarding the beating is asked to call prison officials.

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About comedydan

Dan DeCapua is a stand-up comedian and writer from Detroit, Michigan. He is a graduate of Michigan State University and is currently living in southeast Michigan with his wife and son. He is the nephew of legendary Detroit rocker Mitch Ryder and has been performing for over ten years. Dan DeCapua has brought his unique brand of humor all across the country from colleges to cruise ships to comedy clubs. He was the second place finisher among hundreds of comedians in the Carnival Cruise Lines comedy competition. He has opened for some of the best acts in the country including Dane cook, Mitch Hedberg, Doug Benson and Dave Attell. Dan’s humor is clean and clever appealing to a mass audience. Marriage, raising a young child and video games are amongst the numerous topics he explores in his act that is sure to leave you wanting more. He is a rising young comedian and writer on the comedy circuit and is currently performing in the Midwest.If you wish to book Dan for an event send an e-mail via the contact page. View all posts by comedydan

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