With the holidays fast approaching, we all know how hard it to keep from packing on the extra pounds this time of year. But with a few simple lifestyle changes you can keep fit, happy and healthy all throughout the year. So if you don’t want to wake up Christmas morning looking like Santa Claus, than check out our five very simple ways to keep the extra pounds off this holiday season.
1. Skip the dessert, drink water instead. It’s that simple and easy. While everyone is enjoying their apple pie, gingerbread and Christmas cookies you can sip on a refreshing glass of water. Try slipping a lemon or lime wedge into the water and everyone will be jealous of your unique dessert.
2. Run a holiday marathon. It’s important to exercise year round but we tend to lose track with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. All you have to do is train extensively for six months, wake up early on Christmas morning (maybe you will see a reindeer or two) and run 26.2 miles. If running is not your thing, try cycling 90 miles.
3. Buy an at home liposuction kit. There’s no better way to get rid of holiday fat than to suck it out of your body in the comfort of your own home. While not yet approved for use in the United States these at home kits can easily be obtained on the black market or through medical device manufacturers based in the Ukraine.
4. Build a robotic clone of yourself to attend holiday gatherings while you hold up in a secret lair. Being around friends and family can be quite joyous for many people but very stressful for others. Being in stressful situations can lead many people to overeat as a coping mechanism. Building an exact, robotic replica of you to attend holiday functions could be simple and lots and lots of fun. You can enjoy the holidays holed up in an abandoned mineshaft while your robotic counterpart absorbs all the stress and calories that family functions may bring.
5. Back over yourself with your car. If there’s one place to hide from all those tempting calories it’s the intensive care unit of your local hospital. Imagine all the pounds you will shed while fighting for your life, not to mention all of the wonderful exercises you will learn while trying to regain basic motor function during rehabilitation. We recommend using a mid size sedan or station wagon to assure catastrophic damage while avoiding certain death.